Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering, when you are not.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4am.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named BO.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

* WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

* WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

* WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE oh well I forgot.