Funny stuff - Men And Women

Men And Women Jokes - Never Trust A Woman - Funny Jokes

by Cheryl Lavin: The secret rules that women live by but rarely divulge to men. Invite a man to go shopping with you only if you need someone to carry your packages or drive. Assure your boyfriend that every female movie star has had a boob job. When your

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it's a  memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do  anything. Although he didn't ask for t

1. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder ... What the hell was I thinking? 2. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you ... I've changed my mind. 3. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life... I neve

1. We know stuff about tanks. 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase. 3. We can open all our own jars. 4. We can make decisions without a support group. 5. We can leave a motel bed unmade. 6. We can kill our own food. 7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 8. Wedd

Continued research has disclosed new sex-linked traits in adult humans. Latest findings from our labs indicate the following diferences which will help you to tell men and women apart in the dark without resorting to the sort of behavior that Miss Manners finds

"I'M GOING FISHING" Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern co

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. If you won't/don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Women: Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space sucessfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. E. Simpkins (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuv

You Say: Hi, how do you feel today? They Say: Fine. You Say: I asked how you felt, not how you look! Is it hot in here, or is it just you? If I told you you had a beautiful body/chest, would you hold it against me? Give Out Cards Or Where A Pin That Says... Smile if you wa

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a 'cheers for the sex - now f*** off' would pretty much do it. 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open

1.  Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.  Normally one club and two balls. 2.  Play on the course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3.  Unlike outdoor golf, the object of the game is to get the club in the hole and keep balls out of the hole. 4. 

1 Excitable Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2 Sociable Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. 3 Crosseyed Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. 4 Timid Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you