If there is one thing That irritates me to the point of screaming It is my inability to remember what on earth I've been dreaming. When I wake up my dream is as clear As a colour print of it. Two seconds later my mind has slipped out of gear And I can't remember a hint of it Altho

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a repr

Once upon a time there was a man with a 25 inch penis. Any guy would be excited to have such a big penis, but this man was not. So one day his friend told him about a witch who could help him. So the friend gave the man the witch's address. The next day he visited the witch. Aft

Women: Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space sucessfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. E. Simpkins (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuv

1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. 2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent. 3. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 4. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. 5. I had be

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. Whe

My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave

not having any money when the representative comes to your house selling Mafia cookies. laughing at your husband because he can't get into his old army uniform and then you can't get into your old maternity dress. going on your honeymoon and having the motel employees t

The only love worthy of a name is unconditional

A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, "Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!" In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library." So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor.