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Funny text Funny poems - Age Related Poems

A collection of age related poems.Poets can submit related poems to our directory free of charge.

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I Can't Remember! I Can't Remember!

Just a line to say I'm living, that I'm not among the dead, though I'm getting more forgetful and mixed up in the head. I got used to my arthritis, to my dentures I'm resigned, I can manage my bifocals but God I miss my mind, For sometimes I can't remember

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How Am I You Ask How Am I You Ask

How am I you ask? Well I must say I'll be fine as soon as this pain goes away I'll be fine when I lose a few hundred pounds and my cough isn't really as bad as it sounds The sight in my eye will return they say as soon as this pain in my head goes away I guess I'll be abl

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Growing Old Gracefully Growing Old Gracefully

There's a mole on my neck that's growing a hair When I was younger it wasn't there A lot of things changed since I've grown older like my fallen arches and this hump on my shoulder Yesterday I noticed a twitch in one eye and spots on my hand that resemble a fly I used to

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Getting Old Getting Old

I don't remember getting old, . it should'nt happen yet. I need to do some other things that aren't decided yet. Who said my joints should ache like this? my eyesight's getting bad, and when I hit the bedroom, well, things are looking sad. I'm fifty three, how can tha

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For all the girls For all the girls

When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less, I needn't hold my tummy in To wear a belted dress. But now that I am older, I've set my body free; There's comfort of elastic Where once my waist would be. Inventor of those high-heeled shoes My feet have n

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FIFTY SOMETHING Copyright; Shirley Friend From her book 'Another Dose From Floozie' “Do you know...what day it is?” “Nope”...said my beau. “What's today?” “Well! If you can't remember”, I cried “I'm

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Early Morning Jog Early Morning Jog

Each morning I go jogging thinking, "I'm as fit as in the past", But the lungs aren't what they used to be, my esophagus is tighter than my arse. So with every breath I strain and suck, and there's a pounding in my brain Imagine what it's like to struggle to keep u

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Conjugal Telepathy Conjugal Telepathy

Have you ever noticed when you're talking with your spouse? No matter if you're out with friends or wandering round the house, That when you have a thought you think is worthy to express, You've scarcely uttered half of it before your thoughts digress, And you have quite forgotten

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Codgering Codgering

I wake up each morning, scratch my ass and head, Then read the day's obits to see if I'm dead, And seeing I'm not I get up for a piddle, Then crawl back in bed where I diddle a little. At six I make coffee and drink it down black, And eat me some toast, without teeth I just

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Clod Fight Clod Fight

What's going on? My brother Barry asked of me "Stick up your head, and tell us what you see" We'd built a fort of old "Tea Chest's" and sod To fight a "Clod" war with the "Belchambers" mob Leith's and Belchambers, both always right Seldom s

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Beach Pic Beach Pic

Take my picture as I stand Posing proudly on the sand, My cornetto in my hand. Towel concealing all that's floppy, Smile controlled and not too soppy, Everyone will want a copy. Print comes later in the week. God, who is this aged freak? Tear it up. No, do not spe

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A Poem For Those Over 30 A Poem For Those Over 30

A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show of note A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend And gig was a job for the nights Now they all mean different things And that really mega bit

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A Feeling of Impotence A Feeling of Impotence

There once was a time I was omnipotent, but now, some years later, I'm just impotent. I heard about cures from books and TV and thought some of them might do it for me. Maybe some Rogaine would bring back my hair and make me look sexy, and suave, debonair. The

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Advice in Abundance Advice in Abundance

Introduction I don't know if I'm typical but for most of my life I have resisted taking advice. With the hindsight that flows with age, I now realize that some of it would have been very useful. To be fair, I have been equally reluctant to offer unsolicited a

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