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TEN TOP THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY
10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you
stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to
celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next
husband.
5. You do
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Jokes - Funny Jokes
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The most important things in my world are to get
food, drink and to love you
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Love - Love greetings
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Sms jokes
It's important to find a man who has money, a man
who adores you,a man who is great in the sack.
It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never
meet!
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Jokes - Sms Jokes
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Auto Insurance Claim Excuses
These excuses were on accident claim forms of a
major insurance company. ere asked for a brief
statement describing their particular accident.
1. The other car collided with mine without
giving warning of its intention.
2. I thought my window was down but found it was
up when I put my ha
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Funny stuff - Funny text
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Nasty Bug
Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor
store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it
while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his
last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the
door and found a six-foot cockroach standing
there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw
him a
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Funny stories
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Pet Ownership.
A pet can be a wonderful addition to a household,
but it's important to choose one
that's right for your family. Here are
some tips for making a winning choice:
o Pets eventually grow old and die, causing your
children great emotional trauma. Be
sure to only ch
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Funny stuff - Miscellaneous
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Albert Einstein Quotes
In theory, theory and practice are the
same. In practice, they are not.
When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it
seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot
stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour.
That's relativity! (thanks to Martha Shields)
Any in
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Funny stuff - Funny text
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Medical terminology
Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation
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Funny stuff - Funny text
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Record Breakers.
Women:
Car Parking:
The smallest kerbside space sucessfully reversed
into by a woman, was one of 19.36m
equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by
Mrs. E. Simpkins (GB)
driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th
October 1993. She started the manoeuv
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Funny stuff - Men And Women
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To Women From A Guy.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it
down.
If you won't/don't dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.
Don't cut your hair. Ever.
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Funny stuff - Men And Women
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How To Create The Perpetual Party.
Most parties of this day and age are small events;
rarely bringing in more than fifty to
sixty people. A majority of these
parties are sponsored by high school kids who love
being killed by their parents. All
this is nice and well, but if you want a real
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Funny stuff - Miscellaneous
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The guide for all men
WOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.
We need... = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision
should be obvious by now. Do what you want... =
You’ll pay for this later. We need to
talk... = I need
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Funny stuff - Funny text
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Funny George W Bush Quotes
FUNNY QUOTES FROM GEORGE W BUSH
"A low voter turnout is an indication of
fewer people going to the
polls."
"I was raised in the West. The west of Texas.
It's pretty close to
California. In more ways than Washington,
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Funny quotes - Political quotes
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First Job
"A young family moved into a house, next to a
vacant lot.
One day, a construction crew turned up to start
building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally
took an interest in all the activity going on next
door and spent much of each day observing the
worke
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Funny stories
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Wacky Science Facts
These "facts" come from students.
One horsepower is the amount of energy it
takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell
how close you came to getting hit. If you don't
hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
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Facts - Other Facts
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Woman's translations
The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want
The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want
The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be
obvious
The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need t
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Funny stuff - Funny text
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Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
FUNNY QUOTES BY GROUCHO
MARX
"Behind every successful man is a woman,
behind her is his
wife."
"Marry me and I'll never look at another
horse!"
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a
cigar is alw
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Funny quotes - Comedians quotes
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The Art Of The Fart.
I was first fascinated by the human FART one day
in my math class.My teacher was
finishing up his rather boring lecture
on the Pythogorean theory. He was so enthralled
with the topic that he totally ignored
his body and at the end of the last statement gave
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Funny stuff - Miscellaneous
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non-rhyming
I asked an angel 2 watch over u, but he back
sooner than xpected!i asked y?He said
"an angel doesnt need 2 watch over an
angel!"
What's the difference between pleasure and
torture? Pleasure is thinking of
you &
torture is thinking of you too much
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Love - Love sms
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funny sms-humor
It's important to find a man who
has money, a man who adores you,a man who is
great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3
men should never meet!
I've been arrested for bein the ugliest
person in Britain, can u cum down the police
station
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SMS Messages
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