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A Special World A special world for you and me A special bond one cannot see It wraps us up in its cocoon And holds us fiercely in its womb. Its fingers spread like fine spun gold Gently nestling us to the fold Like silken thread it holds us fast Bonds like this are meant to last. And

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getti

1.Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 2.A few clowns short of a circus. 3.An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 4.The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. 5.All foam, no beer. 6.Has an IQ of 2 but... it takes 3 to grunt. 7.Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. 8.Co

In our complex technical environment there are many opportunities for a competent technical individual to be the subject of technical harassment. Sometimes it can be so subtle that you may not even be aware you are being harassed. Worse yet, you may inadvertently

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes. However, I must share the following: After putting a sh

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at

You wake up face down on the pavement. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and they aren't there. You tur

1. We know stuff about tanks. 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase. 3. We can open all our own jars. 4. We can make decisions without a support group. 5. We can leave a motel bed unmade. 6. We can kill our own food. 7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 8. Wedd

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labour conditions at the North Pole were alleg

Jokes and funny stories about computers, programmers and users. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? Cursor: What you become when your computer crashes. Back Up My Hard Drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol? What

7,386 teenagers between the ages of 16-20 were killed in car accidents in 2004. Did you know? A teenager's first 500 miles of driving are the most dangerous. During that time, teens are 10 times more likely to crash than an adult. Two-thirds of the teenagers who

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's ro

FUNNY FILM & MOVIE QUOTES "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" Samuel Goldwyn. "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" Samuel Goldwyn. "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going

I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own. Now, as yo

Women: Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space sucessfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. E. Simpkins (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuv

FUNNY QUOTES FROM AMERICAN POLITICS "Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from every doing so." Gore Vidal. "I don't make jokes. I just watch the g

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LAWYERS AND THE LEGAL PROFESSION "Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty." George Bernard Shaw "A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes

1.Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2.Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3.Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4.Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5.Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6.Farmer Bill Dies in House 7.Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8.I

Thank you for the party Mum My birthday was such fun I know my friends will all come back When I have another one The cake you baked was special I never would have thought Mum That a no-egg, no-milk, no-butter, chocolate-free, fat-free, sugar-free, date & pumpkin cake W