random zebra facts

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I've learned... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. That when you're in love, it shows. That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day. That having a child fall asleep in your arms

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity! (thanks to Martha Shields) Any in

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter. Log Off: Don't add no wood. Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove. Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'. Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood. Ram: The hydrolic

These "facts" come from students. One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. Use CB lingo where applicable. 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had

 1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17inch paper, 99 copies. 2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen whi

The question is who, what, and why we are here A question that will linger after a full case of beer Are we children of God that inhabit this earth Or the product of monkies who kept giving birth Now rarely do people bring aliens into the picture Our only two choices

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beee

Most Americans in the highest-earning one percent of the population (median annual income: $330,000) don't consider themselves rich according to a Worth-Roper Starch Survey.   Despite the name, the Salmonella bacteria that cause severe gastric problems have nothing to do with fish. The first

FUNNY QUOTES FROM AMERICAN POLITICS "Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from every doing so." Gore Vidal. "I don't make jokes. I just watch the g

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador". Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. Wear a cape that

1. A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) 2. Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) 3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out o

From the very Begining, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were

☻To do ist to be (Socrates). To be is to do (Plato). Do be do be do (Sinatra) &

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises 2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop. 3. After turni

Jokes and funny stories about computers, programmers and users. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? Cursor: What you become when your computer crashes. Back Up My Hard Drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol? What

McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95. * Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. * How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. * Un

After extensive study of the Shroud of Turin, it has now been theorized that Jesus had muttonchops. Citizens in Ohio unsuccessfully tried to start a charitable organization called "The Salvation Coast Guard". (thanks to Eric Snyder) After he was President, Harry S. Truman b

A guy called and said, "My computer blew up!" But, really, he had only experienced the 'starfield' screensaver. When one person wanted to use with the mouse, they picked it up, pointed it at the screen and clicked it like a remote control. I was in the Univ. of Crete