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Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with 'programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count (and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications.) Real computer scientists don't comment their code.  The identifiers are so l

REAL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS DON'T READ DUMPS   Real software engineers don't read dumps.   They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused. Real software engineers don't comment their code.  The identifiers are so

A lady walked into the room to show hubby her new dress, She was a rather large lady - around forty two in the chest. The dress was cut really low - showed off her feminine shape, Her husband's eyes almost popped - all he could do was gape! "Where did you get that dress,

Be real nice and sit up tall, eat your dinner- and I mean eat it all. Be polite when at another's home, smile and laugh, never groan. Let Grandma pinch your face quite a bit, pretend to be calm instead of throwing a fit. Don't tell about Mommy's crazy mood or the day that

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a 'cheers for the sex - now f*** off' would pretty much do it. 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

1. "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 3. Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 5. You can

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket w

There’s a kiss 2 say I luv u, there’s a kiss 2 say its true, But the kiss I luv the best is the one I got from u! A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes &

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity ab

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting a

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how

"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the worke

Favorite Romantic Quotes #1     Real love stories never have endings.     Richard Bach Favorite Romantic Quotes #2     Two souls and one thought, two hearts and one pulse.     Halen Favorite Romantic Quotes #3    

"I don't believe in mathematics." Albert Einstein "Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the

The following story is courtesy of The Admiral: Back in about 1968 or 69, we made port in Yokosuka, Japan. Seemed like a nice sort of place to be for a bunch of crazy sailors. We'd been there before, so it was a place to go visit one's known funspots and have s

It's finally here And you gotta stay put 'Cause the new fallen snow Has closed off your route. But, hey, that's not so bad! View it like this: It's your long-longed-for chance To have amorous bliss. It's a real dream come true For you and your love; A blessi

How am I you ask? Well I must say I'll be fine as soon as this pain goes away I'll be fine when I lose a few hundred pounds and my cough isn't really as bad as it sounds The sight in my eye will return they say as soon as this pain in my head goes away I guess I'll be abl

"I'M GOING FISHING" Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern co