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On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh

FUNNY QUOTES BY LARRY FLYNT "There's nothing that will change someone's moral outlook quicker than cash in large sums." "If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not to me." "The major

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and th

FUNNY QUOTES BY OSCAR WILDE "In married life three is company and two none." From 'The Importance of Being Earnest' 1895. "To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." From 'T

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing C

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license. The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer." The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her p

Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in: See the picture attached. :-)) A first grade girl handed in the drawing, enclosed here, for a homework assignment. After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day wit

WOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need... = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how

Take my picture as I stand Posing proudly on the sand, My cornetto in my hand. Towel concealing all that's floppy, Smile controlled and not too soppy, Everyone will want a copy. Print comes later in the week. God, who is this aged freak? Tear it up. No, do not spe

The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You'll pay for this later The wife says: We need t

Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods. Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern. Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick. Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro. Cache - Needed when you go to da store. Chip - Yer cusin's uncle'

☻When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. Top personnel executives of 100 major American corporation

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT THE ART WORLD "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." Groucho Marx  "The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - The unspeakable in full pursuit of the u

I love coffee, maybe too much. Cups of coffee, coffee smoothies, iced coffee from McDonald’s - you name it I’ll drink it (and alot of it). I can’t drink just one cup either, I can drink it all day. Anyone else have this problem? Not sure? Well, if at least 10 of these 25 signs you&

The question is who, what, and why we are here A question that will linger after a full case of beer Are we children of God that inhabit this earth Or the product of monkies who kept giving birth Now rarely do people bring aliens into the picture Our only two choices

Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to move. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.

I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own. Now, as yo