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Marriage quotes 13 Marriage quotes 13

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common la

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50 Ways To Confuse Your Roommate. 50 Ways To Confuse Your Roommate.

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a subgenius. 7. In

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What women say and what they mean What women say and what they mean

ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments. FIVE M

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21 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate At Christmas. 21 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate At Christmas.

Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to move. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.

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Albert Einstein Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity! (thanks to Martha Shields) Any in

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First Aid Hints. First Aid Hints.

Electrocution ------------- Is he/she still connected to the power supply? If so, SWITCH OFF THE POWER IMMEDIATELY. Electricity costs an absolute fortune, and it would be going to waste. Check the victims pulse, (if you can find their wrist amongst the stack of

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1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises 1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 4. Whistle the f

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God and Adam God and Adam

God yawned a great yawn. He was awesomely bored After pottering around in His shed. He considered the chaos that swirled all around And thought: "It's time that summat got med!" So he shouted: "Be still!" and the howling let up As the winds and the tempest

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50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart. 50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing C

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Air Traffic Controller Talk Air Traffic Controller Talk

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "We are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up

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Funny Steven Wright Quotes Funny Steven Wright Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY STEVEN WRIGHT "I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes..." "I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm

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50 Fun Things For Professors To Do. 50 Fun Things For Professors To Do.

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises 2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop. 3. After turni

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Only Love-True Love Story Only Love-True Love Story

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm. It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the

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100 Ways to Order a Pizza the fun way! 100 Ways to Order a Pizza the fun way!

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. Use CB lingo where applicable. 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had

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Record Breakers. Record Breakers.

Women: Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space sucessfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. E. Simpkins (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuv

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Funny Stories About Computers Funny Stories About Computers

Jokes and funny stories about computers, programmers and users. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? Cursor: What you become when your computer crashes. Back Up My Hard Drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol? What

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Rules For Bank Robbers. Rules For Bank Robbers.

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," comitted by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting

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True Computer Illiteracy Stories. True Computer Illiteracy Stories.

A guy called and said, "My computer blew up!" But, really, he had only experienced the 'starfield' screensaver. When one person wanted to use with the mouse, they picked it up, pointed it at the screen and clicked it like a remote control. I was in the Univ. of Crete

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One Liners One Liners

☻Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you? 

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Good Quotation sms Messages Good Quotation sms Messages

☻As a final incentive before giving up a difficult task,try to imagine it succeessfully accompliced by someone you voilently hate

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25 Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee
25 Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee I love coffee, maybe too much. Cups of coffee, coffee smoothies, iced coffee from McDonald’s - you name it I’ll drink it (and alot of it). I can’t drink just one cup either, I can drink it all day. Anyone else have this problem? Not sure? Well, if at least 10 of these 25 signs you’re drinking too much coffee applies to you… you might be addicted.    1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.    2. You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”    3. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it&r
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