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Dear Friends, I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. Th

Dear Mrs. Denner, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

Favorite Funny Love Quotes #1     I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate -- but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.     Alf Whit Favorite Funny Love Quotes #2     I w

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT THE ART WORLD "There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad." Salvador Dali. "If it sells, it's art." Frank Lloyd. "Salvador Dali seduced many ladies, particularly

FUNNY QUOTES BY EDDIE IZZARD "I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup." "I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less." "Excuse me, do you have a pencil?" "Never put a sock in a toaster." &

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. Top personnel executives of 100 major American corporation

FUNNY QUOTES BY DENIS LEARY "I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?" "We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest. Yoko Ono is sta

FUNNY QUOTES BY SPIKE MILLIGAN "Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy." "I speak Esparanto like a native." "In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesig

FUNNY QUOTES BY GEORGE BERNARD SHAW "Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course." "Those who can do, those who can't teach." "Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically

FUNNY QUOTES BY GEORGE BERNARD SHAW "Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course." "Those who can do, those who can't teach." "Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically

IN PRISON... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. IN PRISON... You get three meals a day. AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON... You get time off for good

FUNNY QUOTES BY AMBROSE BIERCE "An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from but not enough to lend to." "An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one

FUNNY QUOTES BY MARK TWAIN "The report of my death was an exaggeration." "They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce." "The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet