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Hot-dog child Hot-dog child

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Marriage quotes 08 Marriage quotes 08

Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when t

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You ski uphill. You speed walk in your sleep. You answer the door before people knock. You sleep with your eyes open. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only

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Unlucky Young Man Unlucky Young Man

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's &qu

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From Bad To Worse. From Bad To Worse.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leavin

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Wacky Science Facts Wacky Science Facts

These "facts" come from students. One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

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       HAHA...THESE BABIES NEVER FAIL ☻Put your crash helmet on,

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Pick Up Lines. Pick Up Lines.

You Say: Hi, how do you feel today? They Say: Fine. You Say: I asked how you felt, not how you look! Is it hot in here, or is it just you? If I told you you had a beautiful body/chest, would you hold it against me? Give Out Cards Or Where A Pin That Says... Smile if you wa

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My Secret Valentine My Secret Valentine

My tongue hangs from a distance Oh if you only knew How many times I've fallen over While I've been watching you. You go about your business So blissfully unaware Of this hot and passionate woman Who can only dribble and stare. Your funny little grin And your co

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Duck Hunting Duck Hunting

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, someth

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Engineers Engineers

REAL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS DON'T READ DUMPS   Real software engineers don't read dumps.   They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused. Real software engineers don't comment their code.  The identifiers are so

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Albert Einstein Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity! (thanks to Martha Shields) Any in

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Jasmin's Birthday Jasmin's Birthday

Thank you for the party Mum My birthday was such fun I know my friends will all come back When I have another one The cake you baked was special I never would have thought Mum That a no-egg, no-milk, no-butter, chocolate-free, fat-free, sugar-free, date & pumpkin cake W

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First Aid Hints. First Aid Hints.

Electrocution ------------- Is he/she still connected to the power supply? If so, SWITCH OFF THE POWER IMMEDIATELY. Electricity costs an absolute fortune, and it would be going to waste. Check the victims pulse, (if you can find their wrist amongst the stack of

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Life By The Numbers Life By The Numbers

face value/second mortgage/third party insurance fourth dimension/fifth column/six sex shops seven slow commercials/8 bells for old Kuwait (bombs away) nine mutant ninja bloody turtles & 10 commandments (oh yeah?) 11 is for the fool/12 for the apostles who killed fish 12 for the

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Laws Of Cartoon Motion. Laws Of Cartoon Motion.

O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down.

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The Good Sport The Good Sport

A shame it was about old Bert, they said, A drinking man, a sport, a thoroughbred; He' d never meant ill to beast nor mankind And seldom would utter a word unkind. Forgot, meanwhile, the less than perfect Bert, Libido pert and ego girted Bert, Attractive flirt and far from call

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family fortunes answers family fortunes answers

real wrong and funny family fortunes answers The funniest and best list of Family Fortunes answers. Contestants from the ITV (UK) Family Fortunes game-show are asked to guess the most popular answers to questions posed in a survey. Some of these 'Family Misfortunes' answers are actually

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Air Traffic Controller Talk Air Traffic Controller Talk

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "We are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up

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You know its time to go on the wagon when: You know its time to go on the wagon when:

You say to your wife, 'honey if you can carry me to the car, I'll drive'. You are on top of the empire state building and you try to step on an ant and its really a brown Volvo on 34th street. You're so high your hair starts to hurt. You'd like to take an aspirin but

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