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Marriage quotes 07 Marriage quotes 07

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains! Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton.

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From Bad To Worse. From Bad To Worse.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leavin

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Woman's translations Woman's translations

The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You'll pay for this later The wife says: We need t

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19 Fun Things To Do In A Restroom. 19 Fun Things To Do In A Restroom.

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, 'may I borrow a highlighter?' 2. Say, 'uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.' 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, 'D

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Marriage quotes 11 Marriage quotes 11

My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave

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20 Ways To Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate. 20 Ways To Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate.

Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?" Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that." Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily noise. Say, "Hmmm,

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Misery Is. Misery Is.

not having any money when the representative comes to your house selling Mafia cookies. laughing at your husband because he can't get into his old army uniform and then you can't get into your old maternity dress. going on your honeymoon and having the motel employees t

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Marriage quotes 14 Marriage quotes 14

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect h

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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to

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Marriage quotes 10 Marriage quotes 10

Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.

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Marriage quotes 04 Marriage quotes 04

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. -- Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. -- Borge Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy. An archaeologist is

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Money Money

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket w

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You've got Blonde You've got Blonde

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slamme

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Marriage quotes 05 Marriage quotes 05

Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. -- Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don't m

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Marriage quotes 03 Marriage quotes 03

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. Whe

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Marriage quotes 12 Marriage quotes 12

Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican

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Upgrade Your Girlfriend Upgrade Your Girlfriend

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it's a  memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do  anything. Although he didn't ask for t

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Dreams I dream of your touch while you are away, I dream of your smile all through the day, I remember the day, You came into my life, I dream of the day I will be your wife. I dream of the day I can fall asleep next to you, I dream of the day I can say I do. To be your wife, To be toge

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Marriage quotes 15 Marriage quotes 15

All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employe

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Idiot Stories Idiot Stories

 IDIOTS & RETAILING I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she would not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it

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