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Iron Phone Iron Phone

A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened. "The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron." "What about the other one?" "They called back."

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You Can Tell It's Going To Be A Rotten Day When. You Can Tell It's Going To Be A Rotten Day When.

You wake up face down on the pavement. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and they aren't there. You tur

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Old Chinese Proverbs Old Chinese Proverbs

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him. Man who streaks is unsuited for his work. Girl who does everything under the su

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Proper Etiquette In The Men's Room. Proper Etiquette In The Men's Room.

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's ro

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25 Ways To Cope With Stress. 25 Ways To Cope With Stress.

1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time. 2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa. 3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. 4. When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have

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A Politically Correct Christmas Story A Politically Correct Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labour conditions at the North Pole were alleg

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33 Annoying Things To Do 33 Annoying Things To Do

 1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17inch paper, 99 copies. 2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen whi

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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photogr

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Women and man Women and man

WOMEN <=> MAN •    RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled 'All Men Are Idiots' Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months af

Jokes - Other stuff Funny text > Top

The Art World Funny Quotes The Art World Funny Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT THE ART WORLD "There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad." Salvador Dali. "If it sells, it's art." Frank Lloyd. "Salvador Dali seduced many ladies, particularly

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Your Personal Injury Lawyer-7 Tips To Help You Hire Your Personal Injury Lawyer-7 Tips To Help You Hire

You'll need to hire a personal injury lawyer if you suffer an injury that results in significant damages. But in any given city, there are probably over 20 pages of personal injury attorney listings in the phone book. How do you pick the right one? What do you look for? What questions should you as

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18 Ways To Annoy The Person Sitting Next To You On a Flight. 18 Ways To Annoy The Person Sitting Next To You On a Flight.

Find common interests. Ask, "Are you in the Witness Protection Program too?" Tell your fellow passenger that you just heard the bathrooms were out-of-order. Then pause and say, "Did you know that peanuts are a natural diuretic?" Smile. Call t

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FIFTY SOMETHING FIFTY SOMETHING

FIFTY SOMETHING Copyright; Shirley Friend From her book 'Another Dose From Floozie' “Do you know...what day it is?” “Nope”...said my beau. “What's today?” “Well! If you can't remember”, I cried “I'm

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Funny Dave Barry Quotes Funny Dave Barry Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY DAVE BARRY "Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet." "The only really good place to buy lumber i

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101 Christmas gift ideas for the woman in your life 101 Christmas gift ideas for the woman in your life

Bedroom board games. Board games aren't just for kids anymore. There are plenty of sexy board games that bring fun and a sense of competition into the bedroom. A well-done game like Monogamy, Postman's Knock, or Naughty Dice is a fun way to get close. A gift like this is sure to lead to a memorabl

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101 ways to be annoying 101 ways to be annoying

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beee

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Yo Mamma. Yo Mamma.

Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up. Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN" Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo momma so fat we're in her right now Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise Yo momma so fat she went to

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Why Men And Women Get Along So Well. Why Men And Women Get Along So Well.

Continued research has disclosed new sex-linked traits in adult humans. Latest findings from our labs indicate the following diferences which will help you to tell men and women apart in the dark without resorting to the sort of behavior that Miss Manners finds

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Only Love-True Love Story Only Love-True Love Story

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm. It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the

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Cute Jokes Cute Jokes

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word." "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor says, "Tell h

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Why should you check your children\'s homework
Why should you check your children\'s homework Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in: See the picture attached. :-)) A first grade girl handed in the drawing, enclosed here, for a homework assignment. After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note: Dear Ms. Davis, I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shove
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