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Funny Quotes About Women Funny Quotes About Women

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT WOMEN "Women should be obscene and not heard." Groucho Marx  "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." Mark Twain . "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be th

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The Woman's Code The Woman's Code

by Cheryl Lavin: The secret rules that women live by but rarely divulge to men. Invite a man to go shopping with you only if you need someone to carry your packages or drive. Assure your boyfriend that every female movie star has had a boob job. When your

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In bed In bed

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Women Women

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Marriage quotes 12 Marriage quotes 12

Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican

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Funny George Burns Quotes Funny George Burns Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY GEORGE BURNS "When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and

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Funny Famous Women Quotes Funny Famous Women Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY FAMOUS WOMEN "I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names." Zsa Zsa Gabor "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the

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How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

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The guide for all men The guide for all men

WOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need... = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need

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 What a Woman Wants in a Man  At various ages What a Woman Wants in a Man At various ages

What women want in a man at age 25: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover Wh

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How to Get A Good Night Sleep How to Get A Good Night Sleep

By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded." -- Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted

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Sms jokes Sms jokes

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

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Sleeping Beauty Sleeping Beauty

The TV wouldn't bloody work, I thought that I would die, when hubby piped up come to bed, with a twinkle in his eye. I thought my luck had changed for sure, as I followed him to bed, be a good girl and put on the black and not the red. So I dashed off for a shower and

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Definitions By Gender. Definitions By Gender.

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open

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Woman's instructions Woman's instructions

THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You

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Funny Sex Quotes Funny Sex Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT SEX "Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love." Woody Allen . "The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less." Brendan Francis. "There we were

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MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX

MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX -------------------- 01. Nothing improves with age. 02. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it. 03. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 04. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. 05. No sex with anyone

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Women and man Women and man

WOMEN <=> MAN •    RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled 'All Men Are Idiots' Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months af

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Happiness Happiness

I found the secret to life...it's 'appiness 'appiness is everyone's due I wish I could give you all 'appiness Then we'd all have 'appiness...me and you 'appiness is such a great thing I'd love to spread some around If the women all had 'appiness You'd find them al

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Funny Eddie Izzard Quotes Funny Eddie Izzard Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY EDDIE IZZARD "I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup." "I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less." "Excuse me, do you have a pencil?" "Never put a sock in a toaster." &

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Why should you check your children\'s homework Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in: See the picture attached. :-)) A first grade girl handed in the drawing, enclosed here, for a homework assignment. After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note: Dear Ms. Davis, I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shove
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