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Girls are evil Girls are evil

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You don't want the usual? You don't want the usual?

A bartender was working the late shift. While he was working, a beautiful blonde woman walked in and took a seat at the bar. She ordered up a Coors and sat there drinking for a while. Suddenly, the woman passed out cold on the stool. The bartender had a sudden thought, and so he cautiously look

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Proof that girls are evil Proof that girls are evil

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Marriage quotes 12 Marriage quotes 12

Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican

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The First Man The First Man

A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance. The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?" She

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I appreciate all the things you do, and the way you show you care

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Pick Up Lines. Pick Up Lines.

You Say: Hi, how do you feel today? They Say: Fine. You Say: I asked how you felt, not how you look! Is it hot in here, or is it just you? If I told you you had a beautiful body/chest, would you hold it against me? Give Out Cards Or Where A Pin That Says... Smile if you wa

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For all the girls For all the girls

When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less, I needn't hold my tummy in To wear a belted dress. But now that I am older, I've set my body free; There's comfort of elastic Where once my waist would be. Inventor of those high-heeled shoes My feet have n

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A Poem For Those Over 30 A Poem For Those Over 30

A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show of note A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend And gig was a job for the nights Now they all mean different things And that really mega bit

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A Politically Correct Christmas Story A Politically Correct Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labour conditions at the North Pole were alleg

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A Poem For Those Over 30 A Poem For Those Over 30

A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show of note A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend And gig was a job for the nights Now they all mean different things And that really mega bit

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Record Breakers. Record Breakers.

Women: Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space sucessfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. E. Simpkins (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuv

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Cup Holder Cup Holder

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of m

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Funny Quotes About Women Funny Quotes About Women

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT WOMEN "Women should be obscene and not heard." Groucho Marx  "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." Mark Twain . "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be th

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Blonde Painting the House Blonde Painting the House

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

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Funny Definitions Funny Definitions

Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery. Adult, n: One old enough to know better. Adultery, n: Putting yourself in someone else's position. Afternoon, n: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning Ambition, n: An ant crawling up an elephan

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funny sms-miscellaneous funny sms-miscellaneous

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas! Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru

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To Women From A Guy. To Women From A Guy.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. If you won't/don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

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Blonde Detectives Blonde Detectives

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how

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From Bad To Worse. From Bad To Worse.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leavin

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