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Unlucky Young Man Unlucky Young Man

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's &qu

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Girl and mother Girl and mother

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Jokes - Short jokes Funny text > Top

The Service The Service

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at th e plaque for some time, so the pastor walked

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The Smart Blonde The Smart Blonde

A blonde woman boards an airplane. She is extremely exhausted and just wants to take a nap. She finally finds her seat and sits down next to a very curious young man. He wants to test the whole dub blonde thing and possibly make some money out of it. "Hey, wanna play a game?" he asks her.

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Confucius Says Confucius Says

Man with hands in other people's pockets, not feeling himself. Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man wh

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Girl and boy Girl and boy

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet.

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First Job First Job

"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the worke

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I Know This Laywer I Know This Laywer

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you

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Alligator Shoes Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers,

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One Blonde To Another One Blonde To Another

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown

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The Missing Rib-Tragic Love Story The Missing Rib-Tragic Love Story

A girl in love asked her boyfriend. Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world? Boy: You, of course! Girl: In your heart, what am I to you? Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, "You are my rib. It was said that

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Absurd sms Messages Absurd sms Messages

☻Linux is like a wigwam, no windows, no gates and an apache inside …

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Blondes Pain Blondes Pain

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched he

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Reflections of a Beautiful Morning The sun rises above the hillcrest, As does the joy of my heart. Rays of warmth and love, From her I will never depart. Fresh dew upon the grass, Young birds chirp in their nests. I watch her gently sleep, My love to her I silently profess. I enjoy th

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God and Adam God and Adam

God yawned a great yawn. He was awesomely bored After pottering around in His shed. He considered the chaos that swirled all around And thought: "It's time that summat got med!" So he shouted: "Be still!" and the howling let up As the winds and the tempest

Funny poems - Religious,Spiritual Poems Funny text > Top

20 Ways To Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate. 20 Ways To Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate.

Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?" Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that." Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily noise. Say, "Hmmm,

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Funny Authors Quotes Funny Authors Quotes

FUNNY AUTHORS QUOTES I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork." Peter De Vries "About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment." Josh Bi

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On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh

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19 Fun Things To Do In A Restroom. 19 Fun Things To Do In A Restroom.

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, 'may I borrow a highlighter?' 2. Say, 'uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.' 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, 'D

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You can get chocolate whenever you want You can get chocolate whenever you want

1. "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 3. Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 5. You can

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