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Marriage quotes 09 Marriage quotes 09

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Marriage is t

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Marriage quotes 08 Marriage quotes 08

Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when t

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Marriage quotes 01 Marriage quotes 01

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses hi

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Marriage quotes 13 Marriage quotes 13

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common la

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Marriage quotes 07 Marriage quotes 07

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains! Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton.

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Marriage quotes 10 Marriage quotes 10

Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.

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Marriage quotes 03 Marriage quotes 03

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. Whe

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Marriage quotes 14 Marriage quotes 14

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect h

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Marriage quotes 02 Marriage quotes 02

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage is de

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Marriage quotes 12 Marriage quotes 12

Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican

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Funny Love & Marriage Quotes Funny Love & Marriage Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LOVE AND MARRIAGE "When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." Sacha Guitry. "There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with a

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Marriage quotes 15 Marriage quotes 15

All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employe

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When You Feel Lonely When You Feel Lonely

When a person you love passes away, look to the night sky on a clear day. The star that to you, appears to be bright, will be your loved one, looking upon you during the night. The lights of heaven are what shows through, as your loved one watches all that you do. When you feel lonely for the

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Marriage quotes 06 Marriage quotes 06

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at

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Confucius Says Confucius Says

Man with hands in other people's pockets, not feeling himself. Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man wh

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Life Together-True Love Story Life Together-True Love Story

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office. Apparently, they are there to file a divorce. Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story.... This couple had been quarreling all their 40

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Nasty Bug Nasty Bug

Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him a

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If The World Was Fair To Guys. If The World Was Fair To Guys.

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a 'cheers for the sex - now f*** off' would pretty much do it. 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

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Recovering Thinker Recovering Thinker

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and

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Day by day Night by night Kiss by kiss Touch by touch Step by step I fall in love A love so incomprehensible So vivid So unique So wild, that not even the reign of God could control A passion so deep A need so necessary A want so strong The universe would not handle I love you today I

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