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A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?” “Both son. God is both.” After awhile the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?” “Both son, both.” “Daddy, does God love children?” “Yes

FUNNY QUOTES BY EMO PHILIPS "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." "I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him." "My class

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Worse: Your daughter borrowed them Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there Worse: You're in them Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cros

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leavin

I was first fascinated by the human FART one day in my math class.My teacher was finishing up his rather boring lecture on the Pythogorean theory. He was so enthralled with the topic that he totally ignored his body and at the end of the last statement gave

20 Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am! 19 Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green. 18 Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states. 17 Never in car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. 16 Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to carpoo

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT CHILDREN "Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children." Sam Levinson. "Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off." Ralph Bus. "There are

The question is who, what, and why we are here A question that will linger after a full case of beer Are we children of God that inhabit this earth Or the product of monkies who kept giving birth Now rarely do people bring aliens into the picture Our only two choices

What the Doctor says What the Doctor really means "This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself." "Welllllll, what have we here..." Si

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. Top personnel executives of 100 major American corporation

FUNNY QUOTES BY GEORGE BURNS "When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and

Most parties of this day and age are small events; rarely bringing in more than fifty to sixty people. A majority of these parties are sponsored by high school kids who love being killed by their parents. All this is nice and well, but if you want a real

FUNNY RELIGIOUS QUOTES "Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife." James H.

The scientist, Louis Pasteur, used to sneak a microscope into friends houses under his coat and then examine the food they were about to serve to make sure it was safe from germs. It appears that Adolf Hitler may not have died from suicide as people used to belie

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!). ☻Marriage is a 3-ring

Yes, here are the jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life. Plus some jokes about getting married. Policeman: I am sorry to have to tell you this Mr Brown, but you wife has just fallen into the wishing well and drowned. Mr Browm: It works! Wife: What do you mean coming home ha

Jokes and funny stories about computers, programmers and users. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? Cursor: What you become when your computer crashes. Back Up My Hard Drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol? What

A guy called and said, "My computer blew up!" But, really, he had only experienced the 'starfield' screensaver. When one person wanted to use with the mouse, they picked it up, pointed it at the screen and clicked it like a remote control. I was in the Univ. of Crete

Miscellaneous A computer with the job of issuing traffic citations goofed in September, 1989 and sent notices to 41,000 residents of Paris, France informing them that they were charged with murder, prostitution and illegal sale of drugs. Did you know that steel