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You wake up face down on the pavement. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and they aren't there. You tur

What the Doctor says What the Doctor really means "This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself." "Welllllll, what have we here..." Si

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT DOCTORS AND MEDICINE "My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more." Walter Matthau. "Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head

☻NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one

Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happened within twenty miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the las

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office. Apparently, they are there to file a divorce. Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story.... This couple had been quarreling all their 40

KILL THAT LOSER WITH SOME CRACKING TXT INSULTS   ☻Them: You:

☻When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word." "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor says, "Tell h

The scientist, Louis Pasteur, used to sneak a microscope into friends houses under his coat and then examine the food they were about to serve to make sure it was safe from germs. It appears that Adolf Hitler may not have died from suicide as people used to belie

☻As a final incentive before giving up a difficult task,try to imagine it succeessfully accompliced by someone you voilently hate

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm. It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the

A guy called and said, "My computer blew up!" But, really, he had only experienced the 'starfield' screensaver. When one person wanted to use with the mouse, they picked it up, pointed it at the screen and clicked it like a remote control. I was in the Univ. of Crete

Miscellaneous A computer with the job of issuing traffic citations goofed in September, 1989 and sent notices to 41,000 residents of Paris, France informing them that they were charged with murder, prostitution and illegal sale of drugs. Did you know that steel

<Phone Rings> Noisy pick-up of phone Uh...<wisperingly> Hello? Hi, I 'm a burgular and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll..uh, I'll post it on the 'frige where he'll see it. Uh.. by the way, wher

McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95. * Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. * How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. * Un