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Funny Stories About Women Car Drivers Funny Stories About Women Car Drivers

Here are a few jokes and funny stories about women car drivers.   A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving licence. 'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.' 'Well,' replies the woman, 'I have contacts.' 'Lady, I don't care who y

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Insults Insults

I'm a self-made man. We accept your apology. Why don't you go home and brush up on your ignorance. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. He doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. All foam, no beer. He fell

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Words From Husband To Wife Words From Husband To Wife

I am enamored by your beauty by the way you're tanned of color. I just sit awe fully astonished as you cast light into the night. I wonder if obscurity has attached upon my vision because your body is untouched of a blemish. I have trouble possessing time

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Beach Pic Beach Pic

Take my picture as I stand Posing proudly on the sand, My cornetto in my hand. Towel concealing all that's floppy, Smile controlled and not too soppy, Everyone will want a copy. Print comes later in the week. God, who is this aged freak? Tear it up. No, do not spe

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Are You Talking To Me Are You Talking To Me

"Are you talking to me?" she said passing by "Yes, you ... you ... next to the bald-headed guy, "I think you're real gorgeous ... that flaming red hair Is exceedingly beautiful and really quite rare. "I love the way that it curls round your face, And

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Growing Old Gracefully Growing Old Gracefully

There's a mole on my neck that's growing a hair When I was younger it wasn't there A lot of things changed since I've grown older like my fallen arches and this hump on my shoulder Yesterday I noticed a twitch in one eye and spots on my hand that resemble a fly I used to

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Animal Health Warning Animal Health Warning

The moon were at its full that night when I first heard Horace croak, 'twere on the road to Froghall some eight miles east of Stoke. Why I called him Horace I've not a bloody clue! -anyway, that's beside the point, he were cold and somewhat blue. I gathered up some logs and twigs and mad

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I Touch Your Hand I Touch Your Hand

You touch my hand and look at me. There is a message in your eyes Which makes me fidget nervously Although it does not much surprise. If I had any sense I'd flee, Make some excuses, tell you lies, Suggest that I could never be Party to such an enterprise, Say that I

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Dream Lover Dream Lover

If there is one thing That irritates me to the point of screaming It is my inability to remember what on earth I've been dreaming. When I wake up my dream is as clear As a colour print of it. Two seconds later my mind has slipped out of gear And I can't remember a hint of it Altho

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You Men You Men

I was asked for an honest opinion, and replied without second thought, about the dress that she was now wearing, at Debenham's recently bought. I replied a little too frankly, about colour, shape and size, and learned a valuable lesson, about women and telling lies ! Copyr

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This Will Change Your Life Forever This Will Change Your Life Forever

I've invented a new word It's fun and it's free A four lettered miracle As soon you will see You can use it in private Or tell all your friends It's not overbearing It never condescends This one single syllable Will change your whole life Make you very popula

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How Am I You Ask How Am I You Ask

How am I you ask? Well I must say I'll be fine as soon as this pain goes away I'll be fine when I lose a few hundred pounds and my cough isn't really as bad as it sounds The sight in my eye will return they say as soon as this pain in my head goes away I guess I'll be abl

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Lady Love Lady Love

I wooed a lady passing fair When I was young and courtly. I loved her lips, her eyes, her hair, Her figure pert if portly. I raised her to my saddle bow And pulled a muscle down below. She cried "Did we hear something go?" Unmanned by piercing pains, I thought I ought to l

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A Crime Scene A Crime Scene

There's been a murder, a woman was killed, found in a bathtub, partially filled. A pair of policemen went into the house and thoroughly questioned the poor woman's spouse. He'd just come home from working all night and found her like that, a terrible sigh

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Advice in Abundance Advice in Abundance

Introduction I don't know if I'm typical but for most of my life I have resisted taking advice. With the hindsight that flows with age, I now realize that some of it would have been very useful. To be fair, I have been equally reluctant to offer unsolicited a

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An Eighties Christmas Flashback An Eighties Christmas Flashback

Twas the night before Friday and all through the town, no cops were cruising, no narks were around. As we all rolled our joints to be put in our sacks, we knew that soon we'd be stoned to the max. We drank Jack Daniel's And smoked Panama Red, a hit of tea

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News Flash Messages News Flash Messages

☻NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one

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First Date First Date

He asked me out on our first date The excitement was intense As we faced each other in the car He seemed a little tense. I think I made him nervous He had a silly grin His leg was shaking just a bit I got beneath his skin. I couldn't see why he would be So anxiou

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Mum Mum

The very first words I ever spoke according to my mum were 'brachial plexus bronchiolitis' and then I sucked my thumb. From thereon my mother thought that I'd become a doctor but I didn't fancy that and my reluctance shocked 'er. She's still convinced I meant

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Day At The Zoo Day At The Zoo

The female gorilla was pining at the zoo, No suitable male could be found, The keepers didn't know what to do, So they decided to ask around town. The zoo authorities they did the rounds, Said they wanted a suitable chappie, Asking who would do it for five hundred pounds, Sleep with the gori

Funny poems - Life Poems Funny text > Top
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