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The Blind and the Blond The Blind and the Blond

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your le

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How to make a blonde laugh How to make a blonde laugh

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday!

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Funny Music Quotes Funny Music Quotes

Funny Music Quotes "The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet." Oliver Herford. "Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewin

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Two Blind Pilots Two Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously aroun

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Marriage quotes 03 Marriage quotes 03

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. Whe

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Andy Rooney Thoughts Andy Rooney Thoughts

I've learned... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. That when you're in love, it shows. That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day. That having a child fall asleep in your arms

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Funny Quotes on Nationalities Funny Quotes on Nationalities

FUNNY NATIONALITIES AND PLACES QUOTES "The Middle Eastern states aren't nations, they're quarrels with borders." PJ O'Rouke. "Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!" Steve Martin.

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The Worst Of The Worst. The Worst Of The Worst.

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen's strike o

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Funny Celebrity Quotes Funny Celebrity Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY FAMOUS CELEBRITIES "Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps." Emo Philips . "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of

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Australia Day Plea Australia Day Plea

I've just seen 'Pride and Prejudice', but feel no great compunction To swan around a vicarage, with tea and cakes for luncheon; Though buying oil from Saudis, we decline to put their robes on, And as for German influence - do you wear lederhosen? With tourist Nipponese folk, we oft e

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 What a Woman Wants in a Man  At various ages What a Woman Wants in a Man At various ages

What women want in a man at age 25: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover Wh

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Insurance Claim form quotes Insurance Claim form quotes

True extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These were collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas magazine. "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." ----- "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realiz

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First Aid Hints. First Aid Hints.

Electrocution ------------- Is he/she still connected to the power supply? If so, SWITCH OFF THE POWER IMMEDIATELY. Electricity costs an absolute fortune, and it would be going to waste. Check the victims pulse, (if you can find their wrist amongst the stack of

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53 Ways To Be Annoying. 53 Ways To Be Annoying.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador". Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. Wear a cape that

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Funny Writers&Critics Quotes Funny Writers&Critics Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY WRITERS & CRITICS "Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" John Mendosa. "What's another word for thesaurus?" Steven Wright . "This is the sixth book I've written, whic

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Why Men And Women Get Along So Well. Why Men And Women Get Along So Well.

Continued research has disclosed new sex-linked traits in adult humans. Latest findings from our labs indicate the following diferences which will help you to tell men and women apart in the dark without resorting to the sort of behavior that Miss Manners finds

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How To Know When You've Been On IRC Too Long How To Know When You've Been On IRC Too Long

Your service provider calls *you* for tech support. Someone at work tells you a joke, and you say "LOL!" You have ever had a dream about the people in your channels. You have to scroll through your popup menu. You watch T.V. with closed captioning turned on. Your friend Tom tells you

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Funny Definitions Funny Definitions

Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery. Adult, n: One old enough to know better. Adultery, n: Putting yourself in someone else's position. Afternoon, n: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning Ambition, n: An ant crawling up an elephan

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 Marriage Jokes Marriage Jokes

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!). ☻Marriage is a 3-ring

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Why should you check your children\'s homework
Why should you check your children\'s homework Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in: See the picture attached. :-)) A first grade girl handed in the drawing, enclosed here, for a homework assignment. After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note: Dear Ms. Davis, I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shove
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