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Marriage quotes 13 Marriage quotes 13

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common la

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Funny John Cleese Quotes Funny John Cleese Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY JOHN CLEESE "Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited." "I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel, and incompetent comes naturally to me." &q

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Air Traffic Controller Talk Air Traffic Controller Talk

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "We are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up

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Some interesting things to impress your friends with. Some interesting things to impress your friends with.

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.   2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.   3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.   4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.   5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

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Funny Lawyer Quotes Funny Lawyer Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LAWYERS AND THE LEGAL PROFESSION "Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty." George Bernard Shaw "A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes

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Funny American Political Quotes Funny American Political Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES FROM AMERICAN POLITICS "Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from every doing so." Gore Vidal. "I don't make jokes. I just watch the g

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Marriage quotes 12 Marriage quotes 12

Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican

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Marriage quotes 05 Marriage quotes 05

Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. -- Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don't m

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Funny Larry Flynt Quotes Funny Larry Flynt Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY LARRY FLYNT "There's nothing that will change someone's moral outlook quicker than cash in large sums." "If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not to me." "The major

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Funny Oscar Wilde Quotes Funny Oscar Wilde Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES BY OSCAR WILDE "In married life three is company and two none." From 'The Importance of Being Earnest' 1895. "To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." From 'T

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Funny British Political Quotes Funny British Political Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES FROM BRITISH POLITICS "The labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the liberal party." Clive Anderson. "If the word 'No' was removed from the English lan

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Funny Quotes on Nationalities Funny Quotes on Nationalities

FUNNY NATIONALITIES AND PLACES QUOTES "The Middle Eastern states aren't nations, they're quarrels with borders." PJ O'Rouke. "Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!" Steve Martin.

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50 Ways To Confuse Your Roommate. 50 Ways To Confuse Your Roommate.

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a subgenius. 7. In

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What women say and what they mean What women say and what they mean

ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments. FIVE M

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21 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate At Christmas. 21 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate At Christmas.

Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to move. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.

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50 Fun Things For Professors To Do. 50 Fun Things For Professors To Do.

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises 2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop. 3. After turni

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Funny Democracy & Government Quotes Funny Democracy & Government Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES ON DEMOCRACY AND GOVERNMENT "Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least." Robert Byrne. "Democracy is too good to share with just anybody." Nigel Rees. "A government that robs Pete

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Funny Religious Quotes Funny Religious Quotes

FUNNY RELIGIOUS QUOTES "Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife." James H.

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Funny Music Quotes Funny Music Quotes

Funny Music Quotes "The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet." Oliver Herford. "Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewin

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Albert Einstein Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity! (thanks to Martha Shields) Any in

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Why should you check your children\'s homework
Why should you check your children\'s homework Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in: See the picture attached. :-)) A first grade girl handed in the drawing, enclosed here, for a homework assignment. After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note: Dear Ms. Davis, I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shove
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