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A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?” “Both son. God is both.” After awhile the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?” “Both son, both.” “Daddy, does God love children?” “Yes

FUNNY QUOTES BY EMO PHILIPS "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." "I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him." "My class

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's ro

I was first fascinated by the human FART one day in my math class.My teacher was finishing up his rather boring lecture on the Pythogorean theory. He was so enthralled with the topic that he totally ignored his body and at the end of the last statement gave

20 Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am! 19 Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green. 18 Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states. 17 Never in car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. 16 Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to carpoo

i wish i was ur blanket,i wish i was ur bed, i wish i was ur pillow underneath ur head,i wanna b around u,i wanna hold u tight, & b the lucky person who kisses u goodnite 8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning... i love you Uve won m

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT CHILDREN "Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children." Sam Levinson. "Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off." Ralph Bus. "There are

The question is who, what, and why we are here A question that will linger after a full case of beer Are we children of God that inhabit this earth Or the product of monkies who kept giving birth Now rarely do people bring aliens into the picture Our only two choices

What the Doctor says What the Doctor really means "This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself." "Welllllll, what have we here..." Si

FUNNY QUOTES BY GEORGE BURNS "When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and

☻Of all the friends I've ever met. Your the one I won't forget. And if I die before you

Most parties of this day and age are small events; rarely bringing in more than fifty to sixty people. A majority of these parties are sponsored by high school kids who love being killed by their parents. All this is nice and well, but if you want a real

FUNNY RELIGIOUS QUOTES "Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife." James H.

<Phone Rings> Noisy pick-up of phone Uh...<wisperingly> Hello? Hi, I 'm a burgular and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll..uh, I'll post it on the 'frige where he'll see it. Uh.. by the way, wher

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!). ☻Marriage is a 3-ring

Yes, here are the jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life. Plus some jokes about getting married. Policeman: I am sorry to have to tell you this Mr Brown, but you wife has just fallen into the wishing well and drowned. Mr Browm: It works! Wife: What do you mean coming home ha

Jokes and funny stories about computers, programmers and users. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? Cursor: What you become when your computer crashes. Back Up My Hard Drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol? What

A guy called and said, "My computer blew up!" But, really, he had only experienced the 'starfield' screensaver. When one person wanted to use with the mouse, they picked it up, pointed it at the screen and clicked it like a remote control. I was in the Univ. of Crete

Miscellaneous A computer with the job of issuing traffic citations goofed in September, 1989 and sent notices to 41,000 residents of Paris, France informing them that they were charged with murder, prostitution and illegal sale of drugs. Did you know that steel