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Two Blondes in a Bar Two Blondes in a Bar

Two blondes came into a bar, sat down, and ordered drinks. They were making merry in a serious way and it was obvious to the bartender that they were celebrating something big. His curiosity finally got the better of him and he says " I hate to be nosy, but it's obvious that you two are celebratin

Jokes - Blonde jokes Funny text > Top

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Yo Mama's So Fat Jokes 8 Yo Mama's So Fat Jokes 8

Yo Mama's so fat if I put a firecracker up her ass, and it exploded she would be feeding kids in India for years Your momma is so fat she changed the phrase "One Size Fits All" to "One Size Fits Most"! Yo momma so fat that when I ran around her I got lost! Yo momma s

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Big Catastrophes Big Catastrophes

Big Catastrophes Pictures - Funny picture

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Give Me a Big Smile! Give Me a Big Smile!

Give Me a Big Smile! Pictures - Funny picture

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Funny picture photo zebra Big Nose ucumari Funny picture photo zebra Big Nose ucumari

Funny picture photo zebra Big Nose ucumari Pictures - Funny picture

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One Blonde To Another One Blonde To Another

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown

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I Know This Laywer I Know This Laywer

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you

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Getting Old Getting Old

I don't remember getting old, . it should'nt happen yet. I need to do some other things that aren't decided yet. Who said my joints should ache like this? my eyesight's getting bad, and when I hit the bedroom, well, things are looking sad. I'm fifty three, how can tha

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Nasty Bug Nasty Bug

Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him a

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How To Wash Your Clothes How To Wash Your Clothes

How To Wash Your Clothes Jokes - Dirty jokes

I can admit it, I’m a bit of a goof when it comes to doing household stuff. I’ve washed clothes maybe 10 times ever, usually things go ok but sometimes I put in a big white shirt and, for some reason, get back a little pink one. Can’t explain it really, and it appears I’m not

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A list of redneck computer terms A list of redneck computer terms

Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods. Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern. Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick. Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro. Cache - Needed when you go to da store. Chip - Yer cusin's uncle'

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True Job Applicant Stories. True Job Applicant Stories.

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. Top personnel executives of 100 major American corporation

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Speeding-Touching Love Story Speeding-Touching Love Story

(A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle) Girl: Slow down. Im scared. Guy: No this is fun. Girl: No its not. Please, its to scary! Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down! Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. (Girl hugs him) G

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Marriage quotes 14 Marriage quotes 14

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect h

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Guide for all women Guide for all women

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING: I'M HUNGRY. I'm hungry. I'M SLEEPY. I'm sleepy. I'M TIRED. I'm tired. I'VE GOTTA GO. Get out of the way and stay away until it clears. WHAT'S WRONG? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this. WHAT

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Marriage quotes 07 Marriage quotes 07

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains! Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton.

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Dad will never say Dad will never say

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say 10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 8. I noticed that all your friends hav

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Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear Your Dad Say. Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear Your Dad Say.

10.  Well how 'bout that?...  I'm lost!  Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 9.  You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for non-chaperoned car dates.  Won't that be fun? 8.  I noticed that all your friends have a cert

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What State Mottos Should Be. What State Mottos Should Be.

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong! Arizona: Dehyd-rific! Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthang California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character Delaware: Wow.

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Good Pickings. Good Pickings.

THE KIDDIE PICK... When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there's no time limit! CAMOUFLAGED KIDDIE PICK... When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefin

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25 Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee I love coffee, maybe too much. Cups of coffee, coffee smoothies, iced coffee from McDonald’s - you name it I’ll drink it (and alot of it). I can’t drink just one cup either, I can drink it all day. Anyone else have this problem? Not sure? Well, if at least 10 of these 25 signs you’re drinking too much coffee applies to you… you might be addicted.    1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.    2. You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”    3. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it&r
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