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The Blind and the Blond The Blind and the Blond

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your le

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How to make a blonde laugh How to make a blonde laugh

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday!

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true love true love

i wish i was ur blanket,i wish i was ur bed, i wish i was ur pillow underneath ur head,i wanna b around u,i wanna hold u tight, & b the lucky person who kisses u goodnite 8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning... i love you Uve won m

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How To Write Good. How To Write Good.

By Frank L. Visco My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules: 1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) 4. Employ the vernacular. 5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

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Funny Music Quotes Funny Music Quotes

Funny Music Quotes "The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet." Oliver Herford. "Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewin

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valentines day valentines day

8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning... i love you I am opening an emotional bank account for u sweetheart,so deposit your love in it and you will get the interest if i could die early i would ask God if i could be your guardian angel, so i could

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The Wave The Wave

Love yourself Say what you feel Ask for what you need Be emotionally brave Reveal what makes you feel loved Go easy on yourself Celebrate the exceptional Praise the ordinary Do the extrodinary ordinary thing Be a person of your word Criticize only in private Do the unexpected Behave your

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Funny Quotes on Nationalities Funny Quotes on Nationalities

FUNNY NATIONALITIES AND PLACES QUOTES "The Middle Eastern states aren't nations, they're quarrels with borders." PJ O'Rouke. "Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!" Steve Martin.

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Two Blind Pilots Two Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously aroun

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Mum Mum

The very first words I ever spoke according to my mum were 'brachial plexus bronchiolitis' and then I sucked my thumb. From thereon my mother thought that I'd become a doctor but I didn't fancy that and my reluctance shocked 'er. She's still convinced I meant

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Marriage quotes 03 Marriage quotes 03

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. Whe

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Silence Isn't Always Golden Silence Isn't Always Golden

Once upon a time, there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to sp

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Some interesting things to impress your friends with. Some interesting things to impress your friends with.

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.   2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.   3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.   4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.   5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

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Dear Employees Dear Employees

So I'm at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I'm thinking "Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?" Fortunately, I'm only 29 years old. You'll understand when you read the letter. Due to the current financ

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 Marriage Jokes Marriage Jokes

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!). ☻Marriage is a 3-ring

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Dogs letters to God Dogs letters to God

Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities? Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story? Dear God, Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the

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funny sms- word games funny sms- word games

Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't

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30 Ways To Annoy Other Drivers 30 Ways To Annoy Other Drivers

1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit. 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang. 3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors. 4. Two words: Chicken suit. 5. Write th

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Marriage quotes 11 Marriage quotes 11

My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave

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The Worst Of The Worst. The Worst Of The Worst.

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen's strike o

Funny stuff - True Stories Funny text > Top
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